thank you. :)
I’m tired of waking up everyday and immediately picturing me hanging myself. I just want to be happy. I just want my family back.
Chris stayed with me for the first time almost four months on wednesday and used me for sex. I even asked him before he came over if it was just going to be about sex and he said no, that he wanted to actually be with me and that we would talk. I fell for it all. but when he stayed, I can’t even describe how amazing it was. when he used to stay with me I could tell he just wanted to see our son and have sex with me. it was obvious. but this time was different. he held me all night long and kept giving me kisses and actually made an effort to be with me. and when we did have sex, it was perfect. we didn’t just fuck. he made love to me. it was amazing. the whole time he was home was perfect. and when we woke up in the morning, he stayed in bed with me and held me. we didn’t move till he had to leave for work. everything felt like it did when we were still together and happy. it all felt so right. he promised me he would stay with me again saturday. after he left I thanked him for staying with me and apologized for crying when he did have to leave. he told me it was okay and said thank you for letting him stay as well. later on that day I texted him and asked him if he had a good time and he said he dad and then thanked me again. that was the last time I talked to him. it’s been 3 days and he has completely ignored me. he didn’t stay with me last night like he promised. I don’t know what I did wrong. I even tried asking him what I did wrong and he wouldn’t answer me. I know he’s ignoring me because a friend of ours told me that he talked to him yesterday and my babysitter told me he called her today about how much he owed her for this week. I seriously have no idea where I went wrong. I thought I made him happy. he seemed so happy. before he left when he were cuddling in bed, he kept telling me how much he misses me and how he wished he didn’t have to leave. I don’t understand. I thought we were finally going to be okay. that we could finally be together again and I could have my family back. but it seems like he got what he wanted and now he does’t need me anymore. I don’t understand. I’ve hardly slept and I can’t eat. I can’t believe he’s doing this. he knew how much him staying with me and telling me he still loves me with all of his heart and soul meant to me. I’ve been waiting to hear him say he loves me and be in his arms for such a long time now. I don’t understand why he did and said all that he did if he was just using me. he won’t reply to me at all. not even to tell me to fuck off. I don’t understand. I’ve been completely faithful to him since he left me in every way. I don’t want anyone but him. I thought I was going to be with him for the rest of my life. we planned this family together and now I really don’t think he wants it or that it’s good enough for him anymore. I’m not good enough for him anymore. I’ve been thinking that maybe when we had sex that he didn’t like it. that maybe that’s the reason or something. we didn’t fight or anything while he was home. I just want to talk to him. not about our relationship or anything like that. I just want to talk to him about anything. I miss and love him so fucking much. since he left me, it feels like a part of me is missing as well. I don’t know what to do now.